Tragically, I discovered this weekend that one of my friends has bought, and uses, a snuggie.
For the record, the Snuggie-owner is one of my close personal friends, and I respect and admire her opinion on pretty much everything. In fact, this was the first instance I can remember our opinions being so vastly different on any particular subject.
But despite all the esteem and deference I have for this person, it does not overwhelm this basic truth: No one should own a snuggie.
As anyone who had a proper childhood is aware, the snuggie was originally known as a Thneed, which was a multi-purpose object knitted from the tufts of the truffula tree. A video documented the production of the Thneed can be viewed below:
Of course, despite the warnings of The Lorax, the truffula tree’s were over-harvested and have been extinct for many centuries. This is why, when the snuggie first starting wasting infomercial time in 2008, it was such a shock to the general public.
Currently, scientists have no idea what materials are used to make the current pop culture phenomenon known as “The Snuggie.” We can only assume it’s a combination of rare materials, such as BP Oil, the organs of Iraqi Soldiers, and whatever is keeping Helen Thomas alive.
On a more serious note, actual hard work and research (two things Fing Bing is not typically known for) discovered that a product called the Slanket was created in Maine back in the late 90s. Apparently, creator Gary Clegg got the idea when “his mother made him a blanket with a single sleeve for use in his cold dorm room.”
You read that right. A single sleeve. For a single arm. In a dorm room.
I think it’s fairly obvious why a second sleeve wasn’t required, since any wearer of a Slanket clearly isn’t going out much…
Katzen Uber Alles!!
FingBing.com is intrigued while equally disturbed to share with you Cats That Look Like Hitler . Com, a website dedicated solely to cats that visually resemble the former German dictator Adolf Hitler.
The “brainchild” of Paul Neve, the site features a plethora of photos, submitted by viewers, of “Kitlers,” cats that combine a “feline facial expression that implies a secret longing for world domination” with “that toothbrush ‘tache, that most unfashionable of facial adornments, or the flock-of-seagulls hairdo.”
The site has a “Bestest Kitlers” section, which is disturbing and twisted on a series of levels. The most noticeable is the use of the word “bestest,” which should not be used by ANYONE who isn’t a nine-year-old girl with pig-tails and a “Hello Kitty” backpack (There is the distinct possibility that Paul Neve is actually a nine year old girl, which would make it even more twisted than it already is).
Hitler, for obvious reasons, is a delicate subject. It is hard to mock the former Supreme Chancellor of Germany and his ridiculous hair cut and facial hair without appearing like insensitive, inappropriate, tactless human beings.
Of course, South Park has done it on many occasions, including an episode that involved the genocide of cats (View that Episode HERE).
However, Cats That Look Like Hitler acknowledges those who don’t care for their antics, posting some of the responses they’ve received. This includes writers who have told them they “should die,” are “horrible,” “completely vile,” and “kinda gay.”
One gentlemen even went so far as to say people who post pictures of cats on the internet are the people “who oppressed and killed (the Jewish) people.”
FingBing has yet to discover a direct connection to the Nazi Party and people who post pictures of cats on the internet. However, in an attempt to not appear unfeeling, we’ll stay away from making any specific Hitler jokes ourselves.
Instead, we’ll let Mel Brooks do it for us…
Germany was having trouble, what a sad sad story…
Our buddies over at EntertainMeDaily wrote about Flying Ant Day, a natural phenomenon that apparently occurs when all the female ants in the world get horny at once. Reading about the Flying Ants got us curious about these insects, as the majority of our knowledge is limited to what we saw in the Woody Allen movie.
So here’s a look at some Unbelievable Ant Facts:
- Ants can lift 20x their own body-weight
- Ants rarely live longer than two months, though they can survive for up to two days underwater.
- Ants don’t read books. They just stare them down until they get the information they want.
- Some birds put ants in their feathers intentionally, because the formic acid they produce gets rid of parasites.
- Ants can be green, red, brown, yellow, blue, and even purple.
- Ants have very strong legs, which allows them to move so fast they can crawl around the world and punch themselves in the back of the head.
- Ants don’t have ears. Instead, they “hear” feeling vibrations through their feet.
- Ants don’t have lungs, either. They get their oxygen through tiny holes around their body.
- When ants do push-ups, they aren’t lifting themselves up, they’re pushing the Earth down.
And click the video below for what appears to be a swarm of ants devouring the Geicko Gecko.
It’s not the best time to be President Barack Obama. His Presidential approval ratings hit a career-low, according to a national poll released earlier this week. With a 45% approval and a 52% disapproval, it’s the first time our 44th President has had a disapproval rating over the halfway mark.
Here at fingbing.com, we’d like to do our part to help our fellow American’s feel better about their President. That’s why today we’ll bring your attention to a video of the President over at JibJab.com
Truthfully, we’re typically just drawn to JibJab.com because their URL sounds so similar to ours. It’s like we’re sisters, except they’re the prettier, popular one while we’re just the wallflower who eats lunch alone and cuts herself.
However, we think this video is outstanding. Besides showing our President in an overly flattering latex full-body suit (no need for a Booty Pop here), it features Obama going toe-to-toe with a bear, a space-traveling robot, and a boat full of Pirates.
As far as Presidential approval is concerned, we can’t see any better way to lift the American people’s spirits that would be more effective then Super Hero Action and Classic Rock ’n Roll.
However, Obama has also received advice from one of the wisest advisors available: The Man Your Man Could Smell Like. The Old Spice spokesmen tells President Obama he should “only be seen in a towel” and start off the State-of-the-Union address with…
“Hello Ladies.”
For the complete video of advice from The Man Your Man Could Smell Like for President Obama, CLICK HERE
Introducing the Booty Pop.
This “butt enhancer” is worn by ladies just like a normal pair of underwear, and similar to a padded bra, it enhances the booty to give it a perk and shape similar to a supermodel.
When we first heard about the Booty Pop… which we initially thought was some sort of erotic popsicle… we wrongfully assumed it was just another ridiculous infomercial product doomed to be mocked on Saturday Night Live, like the Shake Weight and its “hand-job based work-out technology.”
But we could not be more wrong, as the Booty Pop has been featured on ET, The Huffington Post, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, er… Jay Leno, The Boston Globe, TODAY, and something called Vitamin M.
Oh, and of course, international sensation FingBing.com.
The official Booty Pop website claims a woman wearing the product will “go from flat to FAB in just seconds” and will be “stunning enough to get notice” from men immediately (Apparently the Booty Pop does the same thing as ALCOHOL).
The Booty Pop was brought to our attention by the700level.com, a Philadelphia sports blog. What’s the connection between the Booty Pop and Philadelphia sports, you ask? Apparently it was Sir Charles ‘Chuck’ Barkley who informed the administrators at the700level.com about the Booty Pop, and allegedly said it was “worse than a woman with a weave.”
The official Booty Pop infomercial can be viewed below, and if you’ve any interest in buying one CLICK HERE.
For something truly horrifying (or if you’re trying to get rid of the hiccups) you can see Sherri Shepherd of The View in Booty Pops HERE, as well as Kelly Ripa in Booty Pops HERE.
“Hello Ladies”
Comedian Demtri Martin once pointed out, correctly, that “if you want to sound like a creep, just add the word ‘ladies’ to the end of things that you say.” And he is right, in every instance…. except for one.
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.
The Guy from the Old Spice commercials.
My goodness, is this guy charming or what? Despite my long record of heterosexuality and an unflappable admiration for the female form, I have no problem admitting, when I watch The Man Your Man Could Smell Like, I become absolutely smitten.
And I’m not the only one. The Man Your Man Could Smell Like has a Facebook page (with 569,000+ people who “like” it), as well as a twitter account (3,400+ followers) which promises you can “reach (The Man Your Man Could Smell Like) on Twitter, or in the cockpit of most any supersonic jet.”
Not to mention his YouTube videos are amongst the most-watched in the history of the video sharing website.
The Man Your Man Could Smell Like is played by former NFL Wide-Receiver Isaiah Mustafa, who said he “just tried to create this lovable, oblivious (expletive), who’s a little bit smug,”
If that was Mustafa’s goal, I’m afraid he’s failed miserably. The Man Your Man Could Smell Like is a charismatic, attractive man, and any smugness he may portray seems fairly earned by a combination of handsome and swagger.
You watch him in awe, and somewhere in between turning the “two tickets to that thing you love” into diamonds and seamlessly transitioning from a boat to a white horse you realize he could defeat Jack Bauer, Cole Hamels, and Chuck Norris all at once… and still smell delicious.
And finally, about a half-a-year after his debut, The Man Your Man Could Smell Like has finally been featured in a new set of commercials, which features walking on water, a mustache into a clean shave into a mustache, and the baking of “a gourmet cake in the dream kitchen he built for you with his own hands.”
Do you NEED to see this video (featured below)?
“Of course you do,” says The Man Your Man Could Smell Like, right before going into a swan dive off a waterfall and into a hot tub.
CLICK HERE for all The Man Your Man Could Smell Like VIDEOS.
It’s important to cover yourself…. in every way possible.
Your insurance company understands this. That’s why they offer Alien Abduction Insurance.
That’s right, Alien Abduction Insurance. And yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like…. an insured person can make a claim in the event that they’re abducted by aliens. Typically they offer medical coverage, psychiatric care, and can pay as much as $20 million.
“Of course, the burden of proof lies with the claimant,” states the former Managing Director of British Insurance, Simon Burgess.
The first Alien Abduction Insurance policy was offered by the St. Lawrence Agency in Florida, when owner Mike St. Lawrence discovered his homeowner insurance did not protect him from the threat of alien abduction. The original policy costs a mere $19.95 annually for a $10 million payout. The company’s slogan: “Beam me up – I’m covered!”
Since opening, the company has paid out at least two claims…. which entitled them to $1 a year for a million consecutive years.
The most infamous use of Alien Abduction Insurance was in 1997, when London brokerage Goodfellow Rebecca Ingrams Pearson (GRIP) insured member of The Heaven’s Gate religious group right before their mass suicide. GRIP stopped offering the policy shortly after, though they do still offer insurance against “virgin birth, ghosts, transformation into a werewolf, and coverage for unfaithful husbands who fear ‘Bobbitting.’”
With the housing crisis not exactly behind us, fewer Americans are willing to open their wallets for luxury kitchen equipment, and Viking Appliances is feeling the burn. The company is struggling to survive in this stingier market, MSNBC reports, with the goal of not just staying afloat — but staying domestic.
Viking Appliances was founded in the 1980s in Greenwood, Mississippi, a former cotton town that experienced an economic decline in the 1970s as production moved overseas. Now, Viking is crucial to Greenwood’s economy, and CEO Fred Carl is fighting to keep his company on U.S. soil to prevent the town from suffering yet again at the hands of globalization.
To this end, Viking has revamped its production to increase efficiency and conserve resources. The company is also working on a line of scaled back products targeting consumers with smaller budgets.
Viking is known for producing luxurious, commercial-quality kitchen appliances. Viking gas ranges are frequently 48″ inches wide with as many as eight burners, allowing for more sophisticated cooking than smaller pieces of equipment.
Let’s give it up for Adam Wheeler.
The 23-year-old Delaware native was arrested this past week for lying his way into Harvard. Though he’d been admitted back in 2007, Wheeler didn’t get caught until he applied for Rhodes and Fulbright scholarships.
Some of the things Adam Wheeler lied about? Earning a perfect academic record at Philips Academy in Andover, as well as studying for a year at MIT. In actuality, Wheeler attended Bowdoin College in Maine… until he was suspended for academic dishonesty.
One can only wonder how any degree-granting institution, especially an Ivy League School that claims to be among the top in the nation, wouldn’t be aware that one of their applicants had previously been suspended from college for academic dishonesty.
I mean, that seems like the kind of thing you’d usually check for.
"Trust Me"
The major complaint from Harvard is the loss of $45,000 in financial aid, grants, and scholarships. Considering the average four-year college education costs around $100,000, forgive us if we’re not weeping for Harvard.
It’s hard for this writer to look down at Wheeler’s actions, as I too committed identity fraud during the early part of my college career, usually every weekend.
I, along with many of my underage-peers, committed a heinous crime called “The pass-back.”
It went like this: your over-21 friend gets into the bar. He gets himself the appropriate hand-stamp, allowing himself to get in-n-out of the bar without having to present his ID again. He then goes outside, where you eagerly and soberly await his arrival, where he passes it back to you. Hence the phrase, “The pass-back.”
We at Fing Bing salute Adam Wheeler, committer of an Ivy League Pass-back System. Best of luck fighting the 20 charges you’ve been indicted on.
“What would people most like to see in 3D?”
That was the question proposed by legendary hero-to-teenage-boys-everywhere Hugh Hefner. His answer? Well, it was the same answer he gives to any question:
“Probably a naked lady.”
And that is exactly what he has done. Starring in the June 2010 issue of Playboy magazine (already available, if you can find a place that still sells magazines) is 2010 Playmate-of-the-Year Hope Dworaczyk in 3D.
The format change also provides all commenters with a limitless supply of “Playboy: Bigger than Ever!” jokes.
Hefner describes the 3D-photo as “one example of how books and magazines are different than computer images. You can hold them in your hands, save them, and as Dad used to, put them under the mattress.”
Clearly, a 3D naked lady in a magazine trumps a computer image. No argument there. Sure, with HD-computer screens and lightning-fast internet, a computer can offer crystal-clear images and videos of exotic women of any shape, size, and color doing literally everything and anything you could imagine, all at the click of a finger, but this is 3D! The naked-ness will be coming right out at you!
Of course, the true accomplishment here is how similar the 3D-pic is to having an ACTUAL naked lady in the room with you. After all, if you can hold it in your hands, save them, and stuff them under your mattress so nobody ever finds them, then it’s pretty much real, right?
(Editor’s Note: On behalf of the entire site, we’d like to apologize to any confused readers who thought that a “3-D Playboy Bunny” was in actuality a Playboy model with three breasts.)